Looking for top(s) to train me

I am in long beach, ca. I live off social secuirty which does not pay. I am not lean and muscular per my specs below. I am extremly undesireable from all gay men.

I wish I could find a top(s) that can train me at a gym to get lean and musclar so that he and his buddies can play with me. All men that train require paymnent. I don't have anything to give except maybe my services in some manner.

I wish I had a body that was lean and muscular so that I can be in gay porn making $$$$.

I wish this desire had a possiblity of reality but so far all men are not interrested in my idea nor in me.

I shoot alone by self-inficting myself pain in order to shoot. I hate hurting myself. i don't use drugs except poppers.

O wish there was a man or men out there that could help me.

Pepe

Height  5'10"

Weight 235 pounds

% Body fat 31

Race Latino gay

Health POZ/HIV+

Waist 46"

Cock 6"cut

Thigh  23"

Calves 16"

Chest 47"

Neck 18"

Age 49