Who?
Nevo and I were still locked together and I could not tell whose heart was beating faster, his or mine. I placed my mouth over his nipple and squeezed over it with my lips, running my tongue back and forth. I stopped for a moment and turned towards a window facing us. "Kevin, do you-" I began saying. "Who?" Nevo asked. "Do you know where-" I began again. "No, you called me someone else" he said in a whisper. "Oh. Sorry, I must have- I'm not really clear right now" I said, a warmth from embarrassment sweeping over me. "Don't worry about it" he said. "Who's Kevin anyway? Your boyfriend?" he said, chuckling. "No, he's- a friend" I said.
After the mix-up in names, the rest of the evening was not the same. I don't think it bothered him as much as it bothered me. Nevo leaned up and ran his fingers over my body and whistled softly. "You've got the smoothest skin I've ever felt", he said. "Okay", I said, embarrassed. He reached down and smiled. "Not to mention..." he said, grabbing me in his hands and putting it in his mouth. A tingling swept over me again and I could feel myself getting hard. I closed my eyes as Nevo began swallowing me. I grabbed his hair with one hand and with my eyes closed, an image as clear as day came to me. A figure, tall and handsome, slender but solid build, was standing over me. In darkness, I could see the figure as if it was right in front of me. I was throbbing down Nevo's throat and as I bent forward, I pulled his hair as hard as I could, my other hand stretched across his back, my fingers raking upwards across the soft skin as I began exploding again. In the moment of ecstasy, my mouth opened and a sound pushed out ...ev...in... My head dropped and I closed my mouth over Nevo's shoulder to stop my lips from forming the sound of his name, the figure I saw when my eyes were closed - the one that refused to leave my mind.
I walked through the door, half expecting some kind of lecture. It felt as if I had been gone for two days. As soon as I walked in, I could tell something was wrong. It was just too quiet. "Mom", I said, my voice tightening. "MOM". I walked into the living room and my aunt was sitting on the couch. When she heard my voice, she stood up and walked over to me. As soon as I saw her, my heart sank. "Where is my mother" I said, not realizing that I was almost yelling. My aunt walked over and wrapped her arms around me. I pulled back. "Where is she?", I repeated. My aunt looked at me, her eyes brimming with tears. "She collapsed and- well, I don't really know what's wrong but she's in the hospital right now" her voice trembling as she attempted an explanation. "Where" I said, in a voice that didn't even belong to me. Twenty minutes later, my aunt and I walked through the hospital's entrance and received our visitor's passes. I hadn't said a word and when I pulled back the curtain and saw my mother lying unconscious on a strange hospital bed, something inside of me broke. Tears began streaming from me uncontrollably and I wrapped my arms around the person who meant more to me than anything in the world. She was my entire universe and I would not let go of her- no matter what.
The hospital informed me that she would have to stay for at least a week so that they could run tests to determine exactly what was wrong. I returned home and as I walked through the front door, I could feel myself grow weak. This can't be happening to me, I thought. I went into my bedroom and stood in the center of it. I felt as if someone had spun me around, like when I was a kid and my mom used to grab my hands and spin me until I couldn't take it anymore, screaming in laughter as my feet gradually touched down. Something in me snapped and I grabbed the edge of my desk and threw it to the floor. Papers, pens, books, my computer, everything, went flying across the room. I dropped to my knees and grabbed the first thing I could find, a glass bottle that I had saved from when I was 9 and hurled it across the room at the wall. It smashed into a thousand pieces. I knelt in the mess I had created and began sobbing uncontrollably. Only one though now ran through my mind - Please don't leave me...
When I awoke, I realized I had fallen asleep in a pile of debris I had created. I cleaned up and when I came across the magazine that had the listing for Sin, I began leafing through it. My eye kept running over the page with a listing for sex parties. I had always been curious about it and one of the ads featured some really hot guy who was pulling of his shirt. I ripped it out and stuffed it in my pocket. The party wasn't for another few days but I needed some time to get myself together anyway.
The next couple of days consisted of me putting the apartment together. I'm not as good at cleaning as my mother but I set myself to the task and by the time I was finished, I knew she would be proud when she got back from the hospital. The doctors were still not saying what was wrong but their looks told me that it wasn't good. I tried not to think about it. A few days later, another thin envelope came in the mail. It was from one of the schools I had applied to and when I opened it, I didn't even need to finish reading. I was becoming familiar enough with the styling of a rejection letter. I ripped it up and threw it in the garbage. I was down to one last college. One last chance.
When I returned from the hospital several days later, the message light blinked on the answering machine. I pressed play and the voice that began speaking froze me in my sneakers.
Hey Michael, its me Kevin. Just calling to see how you are. Wanted to see if everything's okay with you. Give me a call when you get this message. Talk to you soon, okay. Bye. Oh, if I'm not here, leave a message on my machine and I'll call you back. See you!
My finger hovered above the delete button. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I did the only thing that seemed to make the most sense. I pressed play again, listening to the sound of his voice, deep, even, calm, and something else that seemed to be behind it. I would call him back. But not just yet.
The next day, I went to a store in the city that sold sex toys. I was pretty embarrassed but in the darkness of my room, curiosities had taken a strong hold over me and I simply had no choice. My fingers were no longer enough. I knew exactly what I wanted and I approached a wall containing a variety of dildos. The guy behind the counter walked over to offer assistance. "Can I help you?" he said, smiling in a flirtatious manner. "Yeah, my girlfriend wants to get kinky so I thought I'd get her one of these", I said, sweeping my hand towards the wall in front of me. He gave me an odd stare and looked down at my pants. He made me self-conscious and as I stared down at my windbreakers, I could see a long outline, visible to the point of being obvious. "You're fucking kidding, right" his co-worker whispered to him, looking down at my pants. After a few minutes of explanation, I decided upon one and as he wrapped it up at the counter, he looked up and said, "Do you think she might want to pick out some kind of lubrication? These things can be pretty tough at first". "Sure", I said. "I would recommend Eros. It's as smooth as silk and you- she won't even realize it's going in," he said, grinning. "It's a personal favorite" he finished, looking directly into my eyes. "Thanks" I said, and walked outside as quickly as possible.
That night, I sat on the ledge of my roof and smoked a long, fat blunt. A warm feeling was sweeping over me and I made my way back downstairs to the apartment. I went to the bathroom, turned the hot water faucet on high, and allowed steam to fill the room. My head was spinning a bit from the weed and I began pulling my clothes off. I grabbed the bottle of Eros and poured it on my fingers. This stuff is really slippery, I thought to myself. My penis was dripping from anticipation and I stroked it a few times with the new lubricant. I was amazed at how smooth it felt and I slumped down to the floor, my back now resting against the edge of the bathtub.
I felt the dildo in my hands and began pouring lubricant over it. My penis began twitching slowly and I reached down between my legs, moving my scrotum out of the way. My balls were really swollen at this point, not having ejaculated in several days. My fingers searched until they reached the part of my body they were looking for. With my middle finger, I pushed inside an opening that was already waiting, expecting. I was amazed at how easily it slid inside and I slipped two more fingers in, making sure I was putting as much lubrication as possible. I pulled my fingers out and grabbed the dildo. When I looked at it, I began having second thoughts. How the hell am I going to get this inside of me? It seemed too long and I began thinking about some of the other dildo's I had passed on. The ones that looked fatter and longer than one of my legs! I grabbed the dildo in my hand and spread my legs apart. With one hand, I cupped my balls and pulled them out of the way. With the other hand, I took the head of the dildo and placed it on the outside of my ass. I could feel the heat from the steam and my penis began stretching past my belly button, a drop of sticky clear liquid rolling over a throbbing head. I closed my eyes and began pushing it in.
At first, I was convinced it wouldn't work. Keep breathing, I told myself. Advice for my girlfriend, the guy at the store had told me. Gradually, I was able to get half of it in and I began stroking myself furiously. The more I pulled on my cock, the further I wanted to drive the dildo inside. I kept on pulling and when I closed my eyes, the image, the same one that had come to me while I was with Nevo, re-appeared. Now a handsome profile was kneeling in front of me, grabbing my ankles and pushing them farther back than they had ever gone. I could feel something sliding even deeper inside of me and I pulled the dildo all the way out before plunging it back inside again. I was still stroking myself, my hands creating a warm friction that only made me even crazier. I grabbed the soft rubber ball sack at the end of the dildo and pushed in. The figure was inside of me and as I imagined his head buried deep inside, I pushed until the round plastic sac butted against the opening of my ass. It had gone in as far as it could go and I squeezed on it, trying to pull it in even further, despite the impossibility of it. I pulled it out and plunged it back in one last time, squeezing even harder. Suddenly, I began ejaculating, tremendous warm streams shooting forth.
The first shot went straight upwards and landed on the sink nearby. I squeezed on the dildo again and another stream, more forceful than the previous, shot over my chest and splattered against the ceramic wall next to the bathtub. Another stream landed on my neck, over my adam's apple, and began rolling down the side of my throat. The remaining shots covered my chest and stomach and someone walking in would have thought that I had taken a shower in my own juices. I pulled the dildo out and as I felt it rubbing against my insides, I couldn't believe how far it had gone in. When I pulled the head of the dildo out, I could feel air pushing outwards and I put my fingers over the opening of my ass. It was burning but it had felt amazing. I couldn't move but rivers of clear, sticky ejaculate were running down the sides of my stomach and onto the warm tile of the bathroom floor. It was time to clean up but all I could do was drop my hand over my chest, a hand that slid downwards from the sticky fluid beneath. I picked up my hand and licked it dry. A delicious salty taste filling every corner of my mouth.
...
When I was fifteen, I came home from school extremely upset. A guy at school had accused me of being a sissy and we had gotten into a fight. A fight that I lost. I walked straight to my bedroom and lay down without moving. My mother came into the room and sat at the edge of my bed. I couldn't bring myself to say anything and at some point, I asked her to leave. Suddenly, she stood up, walked over to where I was sprawled out, grabbed my hand and pulled me. "Get up Michael", she said in a voice that was unlike anything I had ever heard. Before I could even react, she repeated herself again. "Get up right now, Michael". "Leave me alone", I said, my voice breaking. She pulled me to my feet and I stood before her. A look of rage flashed across my face. "Why can't you just leave me alone" I said, defiantly. She looked at me and reached back, swung her arm across her body, and slapped me across the face. "Because it's not my job to leave you alone. You're my goddam son, now get up". I looked at her and I could tell she was fighting off tears. I threw my jacket on and walked past her and stormed out of the house. When I returned home, she was cooking something for us. Without a word, I walked over to her, put my arms around her, kissed the back of her neck, and hugged her.
...
Several days after the bathroom incident, I received news that the test results would be back by the end of the week. The night before the results, I visited my mother in the hospital. She was in pretty good spirits but there was still an air of caution, a dark cloud that seemed to float over our heads. Neither of us wanted to speculate about what the doctors would say and when I left that evening, I kissed her and told her I would be back the next day. I never mentioned the last rejection letter I had gotten.
That evening, I dressed for the sex party that was taking place at an apartment in one of the outer boroughs of the city. It seemed really far away but I was curious as to what it would be like. I wasn't going to sit around at home anyway. It would have been too depressing and so I made my way to the address on the folded piece of paper in my pocket.
When I arrived, I was ushered into a dimly lit hallway where I was instructed to strip down to my underwear. A curtain was pulled to the side and I began walking through an apartment with several different rooms. The only light available came from blue nightlights at the base of the walls in each room. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could make out the outline of figures in various poses. The sounds of sex filtered towards me and I began thinking that the whole thing was just one big mistake. I had traveled all the way for this? I thought to myself. I couldn't really even see anything and it seemed as if everyone was already occupied, no pun intended. Well, maybe pun intended. I turned to leave and walked past a bathroom that was lit in red. Two guys walked out and when I caught their glance, I looked at them. They were both really attractive. Okay, I thought. The first one to walk past me smiled and the guy behind him brushed his hand against my underwear and stopped dead in his tracks. He tilted his head towards one of the rooms and motioned for me to follow them. Why not, I thought to myself.
When I got into the room, the guy who had brushed against me turned to me and dropped to his knees, pulled my underwear down, and began swallowing me. From behind him, the other guy began preparing to go inside his friend. If in fact they were even friends. I could see him take a long penis from beneath his boxer shorts and as he pushed himself inside of the other guy, a gasp from beneath a pair of lips that were closed over my penis let loose. For some weird reason, I got bored and pulled out of his mouth. I walked around and went behind the guy who had just taken me inside of his mouth. The other guy pulled out of him and invited me to replace him. I stepped behind and pushed myself inside. "Oww", he grunted. "Sorry", I said, pulling out. "No, keep going", he said. I went back inside and began thrusting in and out. Someone else walked over and now, three of us took turns with him. He must be really open now, I thought, as the next guy to enter him looked to be my length but was much thicker.
At some point, there were about five of us who were taking turns going inside the guy, known only as Mark. Now, Mark was on his back and while he sucked someone off, a very tall, well built, attractive dark skinned guy was plunging himself into Mark. Three other people were stroking themselves off and Mark suddenly leaned up and whispered into his ear. The guy smiled to himself. He stopped stroking off and let himself go nearly limp. I was confused for a moment but my confusion was quickly cleared up when I saw what was about to happen.
A stream of urine began pouring forth from the guy who had gone limp and he began stroking himself off. The sound of warm water splashing over Mark cut through the room and two other people walked over to see what was going on. Suddenly, the guy who had just pissed on Mark began stroking himself furiously. A stream of sticky, thick white ejaculate landed straight on Mark's face and over the exposed part of someone else's penis he happened to be swallowing at that moment. The guy being swallowed pulled out suddenly and began shooting into Mark's open mouth. I could hear it squirting into his throat and the rest of it ran down his cheeks and onto the floor. Two other people began shooting at the same time and they sprayed it across Mark's chest and stomach, creating a large pool over the one that someone had already created moments before with different fluids. The guy who was inside of Mark began shooting as well and he pulled out and shot it over the opening of Mark's ass. His fingers pushed whatever ejaculate hadn't made it inside and as I watched, I realized I couldn't hold it in any more. The guy who had just shot over the opening of Mark pulled Mark's legs open and I knelt down and plunged myself inside. I let two or three shots go inside before pulling out. I was still shooting over Mark's stomach when he leaned forward and took me inside of his mouth, allowing me to shoot the remainder of my load down his throat. When I could feel the pulsing stop, I pulled out of his mouth and pulled my underwear back on.
I dressed quickly and went outside. I was standing in the middle of a street I had never been on, in a completely unfamiliar neighborhood. Looking down at my watch, a small hand pointed to the number 2, as in 2 AM. Thoughts were swirling around in my head. I wanted to think about anything but the thing that was now pressing its way to the front of my consciousness. Tomorrow we'll know. I pushed out the thought as hard as I could and began running down the street. I didn't even know where I was running to. When I got to a payphone, I dug around for a quarter and pushed it in the slot. There was no sound at the other end and I grabbed the phone and began slamming it into the receiver. I continued running until I found another pay phone on the next block. I dropped my last quarter into the slot and prayed that it wouldn't eat it without allowing me my call. As the line began ringing, I stared up at a streetlight high above. Beneath the yellow light, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. No one was picking up but I refused to hang up the phone. Please be there. Suddenly, a voice picked up on the other end, deep, even, and calm, "Hello", the voice said. My throat tightened and I couldn't speak, a tear streamed down my flushed cheek. "Hello?" the voice repeated...
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